Friday, January 7, 2011

A Surprising Turn of Events...

Somehow...well, I have a pretty good idea how...but still surprisingly, I am pregnant! I started this little journal a couple of weeks ago so I could start keeping track of events, weight gain, aches and pains, and all of the other things moms forget about so that they are willing to get pregnant again. So I apologize if this is a little too personal but I really want a written record with pictures and here goes!

A truly frank (and personal) account of my first (and maybe only)Pregnancy

Generally Speaking (written at week 15) – The thing I have been worried about most since I found out is my body…selfish I know, but we’re going to start there. I started at 133 lbs at week 4 but by week 15 I weigh 127 lbs which is strange because I haven’t vomited a lot of food, but I guess I have had a decreased appetite. Ironic that I have almost reached my goal weight only to be pregnant huh? Nausea and vomiting began around week 7 and continued until week 14, I was mostly nauseous at night or during the day if I hadn’t eaten. So far we have told all of our families and our friends up here in Logan, but we haven’t told our friends from back home or my co-workers. I am planning on waiting until January before I tell my boss and everyone at the office. I have been extremely emotional and difficult to be with… poor Kenny. At first I felt really guilty, which made me feel angry (both emotions = mean Sara). I felt guilty that we weren’t more careful about sex and the power of procreation…I mean the ability to make a child is a big deal! And I felt guilty that we had been so irresponsible and that now our child would have to deal with the consequences of our actions. Not that we would be bad or neglectful parents but I just wanted to feel so much more prepared before we decided to have a baby (prepared with…a house, and a career for Kenny, not a little 2 bedroom apartment with an expensive master’s program for Kenny somewhere in the, hopefully near, future). I felt angry at the baby for ruining my plans and my body, and I felt angry at Kenny for not realizing how hard this was going to be on me. All in all I was being a tad too selfish. Thank goodness for Kenny, he is so positive and supportive and helps so much. And he is so excited! I wish I were more like him but I just worry about things that are totally not in my control, like stretch marks, and weight gain, and hemorrhoids, and pain, and problems with the baby, and nursing, etc, etc, etc… but most of that I can’t do anything about and everything else doesn’t really matter now, I’ll figure it out when the time comes.

Funny Fact – for the past few months (since becoming pregnant)I have heard more crying babies, seen more ill, groaning, waddling, complaining pregnant ladies, and been told “Don’t have Kids!” more times than I can count! Since my co-workers don’t know that I am officially “expecting” (I really like that word expecting even if it is a bit ambiguous, it’s just so…matronly) they have not held back at all in their explicit direction not to ever have children, or if I do want children to make sure I am financially, emotionally, physically, educationally, …ally,…ally, prepared.

The no-good, dirty-rotten, very-worst day of my pregnancy so far was November 26th. I woke up at 3 to go to the bathroom and ended up extremely nauseous and throwing up (once on the floor on my way to the toilet). We were in Denver and our flight left around 8 so we had to wake up at 5:30 to catch a plane home. I threw up my breakfast in the car on the way to the airport (in a plastic bag with a hole in it). I threw up in a garbage can outside the tram station on our way to the gate. And then I threw up one more time in someone’s driveway snow outside a house in Tooele (the neighbors were standing outside watching) where we were dropping our Brother-in-law, Josh, off at work. So by this point I have absolutely no energy from vomiting and not sleeping and I wasn’t the most pleasant person. On our way out of Tooele we stopped at McDonalds and I finally held it down enough that I felt okay. Surprising since I don’t really like McDonalds…maybe it was fake enough that my body didn’t recognize it as food so it didn’t throw it up. Either way McDonalds was the cure to the worst morning ever…well so far!

Week 15: This is the first week that I have started really feeling the baby growing. It just feels like constant cramps and pressure in my lower tummy. Sometimes when I cough or move it feels really sharp or painful but mostly it’s just a constant pressure. I can feel my uterus with my hands when I lay on my back, and in the morning when I have to go to the bathroom really bad it feels way bigger and hard! We take our measurements every couple of weeks or so and I have grown 4 inches in my tummy in the last 2-3 weeks! My boobs and stomach are getting bigger but everything else is either the same or smaller so hopefully I can keep the rest of my body the same and just get bigger in my stomach. I am also feeling well enough that I can start working out again; I am going to sign up for planet fitness and try to exercise at least 3 times a week for about an hour. I think that will help me feel more in control of my body. It’s kind of eerie so see and feel my body doing things on its own…that aren’t normal bodily functions. But it’s okay…it’s normal for a pregnant lady so I can handle it.

Nursery Update: We have cleaned out the spare room and it’s basically empty now. We put cinderblocks under our bed and put a ton of storage there. And we bought some nice big bins to fill up with stuff we use more frequently and stacked them in the closet. We have a little pile of stuff for DI but besides that all we have in the actual room is a baby changing table that we use to hold our food storage, our guitars, and two little bookcases. I plan on using the changing table as an actual changing table but I still need it to hold our food storage, so I think I’m going to put the food on the bottom shelf, baby stuff on the middle shelf, and use the top for the changing table and then make a cute little curtain to hide the two bottom shelves so that it looks nice and organized. I have been looking at dressers on KSL too but I haven’t found one that I like or want yet…I want to be able to paint it or mod-podge on it so it’s cute but no such luck yet! Bedding is really expensive so I think for the crib I am going to buy I used bumper and re-cover it, and then just get some matching fabric for a bed skirt and matching sheets (I don’t think I could make my own fitted sheets!). So those are the plans so far!

Names: Eh…girls names are impossible! So let’s skip to the boys, boys names that I really like (and I’m pretty sure Kenny agrees) are: Trey, Dex, & Merrick. I have so many other ones that I love too like Jack, Peter, Ethan, and other classic sounding names (Benjamin, Jonathan, etc). So that’s not the hard part, well maybe picking just one name would be hard. But girls names are tough! I like a quite a few but I don’t think I love any of them: Stevie, Rae, Fae, Mave, Jocelyn, Charlotte, ugh…but none of those actually sound good today! I’ll have to think about this a little more. Good thing I have 6 months!

Week 16: I am feeling better and better every day. I’m not as sick and I have a lot more energy – Kenny is glad because I can finally help clean the house again. I have even gone to the gym a few times in the last week and I did Zumba two days ago (and boy, am I feeling it!). Depending on the day and time of day I either have a pretty big belly or just a little one. I was surprised that I am already showing a little bit, I didn’t think that would happen at all until after 25+ weeks. Oh and here’s some happy news - last night Kenny and I were talking about girls names and we found one we actually like – Unfortunately, Kenny won't let me tell anyone because he is afraid someone will steal it...silly eh? But just know that if our baby is a girl, her name will be pretty nice.

A family in our ward is moving to Japan so they are getting rid of everything they own and taking only essentials with them. So…we bought a rocker/glider chair thing with an ottoman from them for $30! I haven’t actually seen it yet, Kenny is going to pick it up today but she said she has loved it but it is a little stained even though she tried to clean it well. I have been looking high and low for a second hand glider that I could buy and reupholster so I’m really excited! I have never reupholstered anything before so it will be quite the project but I think it will be fun.

Week 18: I have passed off the reupholstery project to my sister Tessa who is a much better seamstress that I am. I am getting more and more excited, you could even call me happy about this pregnancy (especially now that I’m feeling better). I still have to work up the nerve to tell my boss but I’m not quite sure how to bring it up. He is out of the office until Thursday this week and then we have Friday off so I have one day to tell him before my next appointment. I think I would be less worried about it if I had a clear plan of what I wanted after the baby. I plan on working up until my due date if I can, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to come back to work but so much depends on Kenny’s job…the one he doesn’t have yet. He is looking for a job that will give him patient exposure so he can get into PA school. As long as he can find a good job with insurance that I’ll come back to work just part time but if he can’t than I’ll have to be full time so that we have insurance. Plus, we’re still waiting to hear back from those last 2 schools…and if he gets in in this summer, then I’ll just quit when I have the baby. Boy oh boy…there is so much to think about!

Week 19: My chair looks awesome! Thank you Tess! (Pictures will come shortly). I told my boss, Blake, yesterday and it went just fine, I didn’t need to be stressed at all! He was very nice and positive and kept saying how exciting it is so that was an incredible relief and I feel great about it. I didn’t think it was possible but my boobs are still growing and Kenny let me know the other day that if my boobs disappear after I’m done nursing (which has happened to my whole family) than I can get a boob-job…so apparently he doesn’t mind my expanding bosom. I am getting really excited for our ultrasound next week. Once we know its gender we will be able to really start getting stuff ready. I really like feeling in control of things so this waiting game is really hard. I’m ready to get on the ball and start doing stuff to plan and prepare.

Some exciting news…I can finally feel the baby moving! I’ve been reading in different books that I should have been able to feel little wiggles and kicks from about 16 weeks on but I haven’t felt anything recognizable as a baby until this week. On Wednesday when we were trying to sleep, I kept waking Kenny up to feel my stomach to see if he could feel it too…the baby was wiggling like crazy! It feels kind of like a deep, internal muscle spasm or twitch but it’s pretty faint most of the time so Kenny can only feel it occasionally but I’m pretty sure he thinks it’s awesome too.


Tara said...

Thanks for posting! We've all been through your emotions to some extent or another. We love you and can't wait! I love feeling the baby move, that's one of the few things I miss greatly about pregnancy.

Jessica said...

I'm so excited for you! We really need to get together!

Hailey Jones said...

i just want you to know something so important. that exactly one year ago i felt the EXACT same way. i cried for weeks about my growing belly. we had only been married for THREE Months and all the same things. nic got laid off in april and we were unemployed until december. seriously... rough way to start things out. i didn't even want a baby until i was about 20 weeks along.

but... with that being said, and my now FOUR month old baby girl sitting in my arms, your life will work out better than expected. having a baby enriches your life and your marriage. nic and i have never been closer!

please don't feel guilty or selfish. because the change is huge. but i know that in a year from now you will look back and laugh that you felt so stressed. you are wonderful and SO cute pregnant.

love you! goosey.