6 Months Strong

 

 Merry Christmas!

I just love this time of year and I'm so excited to celebrate with Beckett this year! We're still trying to figure out exactly what we're going to do for the season's festivities but no matter what I'm sure it will be wonderful! Kenny has to work Christmas Day from 5am to 5pm so we will probably celebrate after he gets home and then we will head down to see our families. Question - with your baby's first Christmas, did you give them new presents? Just wrap up toys that they already have? I think I might do a combination. Not that it really matters since Beck won't even know what's going on but I'm excited none the less.

It's Fall Y'all

First off I would like to pose a question...What do I wash first: hands or face? 

Beck is now eating solid foods occasionally and every time he gets messy (just like every baby I'm sure). So my question is about the clean up...if I wash his hands first he touches his face and gets them dirty again, if I wash his face he still touches it and gets it dirty again. Or if he doesn't touch his face, he touches his bib and gets his hands dirty on that but if I take off the bib too early than he gets it all over his clothes. Oh and did I mention that the only baby foods he likes are the really colorful ones?

We had a super fun Halloween party and celebrate Kenny's birthday with our families last month. We had cheese and chocolate fondue and steak, chicken, and Italian sausage and I ate my weight worth. My favorite is french bread in the cheese sauce...yum! This year I was Peter Pan, Kenny was Ru-fi-ooooooo, and Beck was a little lost boy!

And check out our new table! We were given a table when we got married and we finally, 3 1/2  years later finished it! It was a light wood color with white cushions so we sanded, stained, painted, stained again, sanded again, re-upholstered, and VIOLA! It was quite a project but now that's done I'm absolutely loving it!

Oh, one more thing! The cake I made Kenny was awesome. It was a checkerboard cake so I used white (dyed orange) and chocolate cake mix with a whipped icing. It was so cute, I know it could have turned out better but I still had fun.

Anyway, not much else is new. Still waiting on PA schools, I'm still at home with Beck and loving it (most days), Kenny is still at the hospital and loving it (some days). Ha life is fun!

Our Lives of Late

So, it's been a little while so I'll just update you on all the latest news. Beck is now 4 months old and growing like an adorable weed. He is almost 16 pounds of pure boyish fun! He loves going outside so we spend lots of time on walks and hanging out in the fresh air. He laughs and talks all the time and we just love him so much. It still amazes me how I can love him so much when I wasn't sure how I was ever going to want a baby...but what an amazing blessing love is!

 He loves being outside, he really enjoyed the swing but was a little unsure how much he like the grass.

He can even sit up for a few seconds by himself!

He is definitely getting better at tummy time.

He LOVES being swaddled when he goes down to sleep, he obviously doesn't love it as much when he is waking up...

He has the longest tongue, this picture doesn’t do it justice.

Beck’s first Aggie game, he hung out in my diaper bag for a while. He didn’t love how loud it was so we moved up to the very top of the stadium where it was a lot quieter. GO AGGIES! (If only the games ended 5 minutes earlier they would always win!)

 Now for some non-baby related news, I made these earrings out of a paper clip and string.

 

And here’s Beck again, I just can’t say enough how happy we are that we have such a beautiful, healthy, happy baby. Being a mom his so much better than I thought it would be!

So besides Beck, our lives are pretty boring. Kenny applied for PA schools and now we’re just playing the waiting game. Hopefully we start hearing back soon about interviews. Kenny still works at the hospital and has fun stories to tell everyday, well as fun as it gets having people poop on you.

Eyelash Extensions

Hey Ladies!

I'm so excited to say that I will now be working from home doing Eyelash Extensions! If you could please pass along the word or let me know if you're interested. I'm really glad that I've found something that I enjoy doing and that I can do from home.

Check out my eyelash blog at http://lalalashes.blogspot.com/ 

or

email me at saraslashes@gmail.com

a proposed arrangement or an arranged proposal...either way

Beck met baby Hallie Jo Freckleton last night and it was confirmed that they have to get married...they just have to. (Agency?? What's that?) Anyway, she sure is a sweet, beautiful baby girl and her little girly cry almost made me cry too.

We have had a pretty lazy summer (obviously there's not that much we can go out and do with a newborn). Here's the photo updates:




Beck's first baseball game, it was a bit chilly and he was only three weeks old so I was a little nervous about having him out. I think we only stayed about 20 minutes.



Chillin with Dad (I still can't believe Kenny is a dad! Its easier for me to think of myself as a mom...probably because I carried him for 39 weeks.)



Speaking of carrying...can you believe he ever fit inside!?

Kenny blessed Beck on July 10th up here in Logan

The Nursery:







My grandparents made him this quilt, which I am going to take his picture on periodically to measure how big he is getting. (And yes I do dress my baby boy in leggings)


I've read that the best thing to help your baby sleep better is for them to be able to put themselves to sleep but what about me!? My little baby won't let me rock him to sleep anymore. We used to just sit in our little glider, and rock, and read stories etc. Now as soon as he's tired he pushes away from me until I swaddle him and lay him down in his crib happy as a clam. He smiles and coos for a few minutes and then drifts peacefully off to sleep and I sit on his floor and cry wondering where my little cuddly baby went. This picture is one of those times where I force him to cuddle with me...he may not need it (or want it) but I do and I think I've earned that right!

The sweetest little guy in the world...

our baby story

My New Man

Beckett has won my whole heart. I don't feel one bit guilty when Kenny comes home from work and asks about my day and I realize I wasted about 6 hours just watching Beck sleep.

He just had his 2 week doctor's visit and he was a champ. He is still doing great! He eats like no one's business and gains over an ounce a day so he weighs 7.8 lbs now and has grown 1/2 inches so he is 20 inches long.

Here's some fun facts about the little guy:

• He can projectile poop about 2-3 feet.
• He won't take a binkie from me (he knows I have the real stuff)
• He is ticklish like his dad
• He will not wake up from a nap if anyone is holding him, he loves being cuddled
• He grunts when he poops
• He only pees on me
• He has the cutest smile but it only lasts a few seconds at a time
• He loves the car and going on walks
• He closes his mouth like a clam when he decides he is done nursing

I'll add more fun facts another time but here are some fun pictures. Kenny says I can't post the videos because no one besides me would want to see hours of him sleeping so hopefully these pictures will satisfy.

He loves the car and sleeps like a baby the whole time

Beck and his grandpa, both sleeping of course

Trying to get a picture of him with his eyes open...didn't work out so well

He likes to roll himself to the middle of the couch

I like to think I'm his favorite place to sleep.

Beckett Kent Turley was born Friday May 20, 2001 at 8:32 pm. He was 6 lbs 13 oz and 19.5 inches long and perfectly healthy (what a wonderful blessing!). He is literally the cutest thing I have ever seen and I'm so happy to say that I love this little guy so much. I had no idea that I could love something so much, so quickly.

So here’s how everything went...

I had my membranes stripped on Wednesday but besides feeling like my period was going to start, nothing happened. On Thursday evening, I went to a work out class that my friend Brit was teaching for relief society to try to get things moving along and by 11:00 pm I was having contractions about 5-6 minutes apart. I woke Kenny up around 2:00 am to help me get the bags packed and make sure we had everything ready to go. My contractions stayed pretty inconsistent all night long, sometimes they were 3 minutes apart, other times they were 7 minutes apart. We went out on a walk around 7:00 am and then we went to hospital. I had no idea if I was really in labor because my contractions were still sort of irregular. They checked my cervix and I was 100% effaced and dilated to a 5 so they called my doctor and admitted me.

We walked around that labor and delivery floor so many times to try to get my contractions to get stronger but my body just didn’t want to get the job done! They broke my water around noon and that definitely stepped up the contractions but after an hour I was still only a 6. So I asked for pitocin (it makes contractions way stronger and consistent), by this point I just wanted to get the show on the road. The pitocin completely changed my contractions, before that point I could handle them on my own, but after...I thought I just might die. After almost 2 hours I asked if it was too early for the epidural and of course it wasn’t, but for some reason I thought they wouldn’t do it until I was farther along. The epidural was NOTHING compared to the contractions and it worked nice and fast.

At 6pm I was dilated to a 10 but because I had the epidural they wanted to wait an hour for me to start pushing so that he could descend more on his own so I wouldn’t have to push as long. At 7 I started pushing. The nurse warned me that “this could take a while”, I asked how long “a while” was, and she said that 2 hours for a first time mom is the average and 3 hours of pushing isn’t uncommon. After 10 minutes of pushing I said no freaking way can I do this for 3 hours. The epidural was wearing off pretty fast but I didn’t want to push the button for another dose because I was already pushing and it wouldn’t have made much difference anyway. Pushing was the hardest thing I have ever done. I tried really hard to stay active and fit throughout my pregnancy and I have no idea how I would have done it otherwise. That’s my one bit of advice...do yourself a favor and keep yourself as fit and healthy as possible to make the delivery not quite so bad. I got nauseous about a half hour in and threw up for a little bit which was not fun at all. Thank goodness my mom was there to cool me down with a rag and hold that little basin to vomit in. After about 45 minutes of pushing we could see his head crowning so they called in the doctor. Dr Craig was the doctor on call and she did an awesome job. His head just would come out, it was so close for about a half hour and then finally Dr. Craig decided that we needed to do a small cut on this band or something that his head couldn’t get past. (It was a band of skin inside that just wasn’t stretching). Once she did that, I pushed once and he came right out. It was immediate relief and they put him right on my chest and cleaned him off. He had the cutest husky little cry.

I tore in two places and the little cut inside, and those stitches did not feel good. It’s funny though, all the little things I was so worried about, like delivery the placenta (totally didn’t notice that part at all), and tearing, or pooping in front of everyone while pushing, were totally out of my mind. All that matters is pushing and getting that little baby here. The hardest part is that it’s excruciatingly painful, its exhausting (physically and emotionally), the contractions are like every 30 seconds apart, and you push 3 times per contraction and you have to keep doing it. You have no other choice. You’re the only one that can get this baby here and no matter how much support and help you have from the nurses or doctors or spouse, it comes straight down to you. It was an amazing experience though...I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Recovery has been okay...as okay as it can be I suppose. I was super swollen right after because his head had got stuck for so long so I couldn’t pee on my own. I didn’t mind having the catheter that first night because it meant I didn’t have to get out of bed to pee. Saturday, I pretty much stayed in bed the whole day since moving was such an ordeal with the catheter, the soreness, and my body being so weak (I bled quite I bit during the delivery so I was quite shaky and weak). Oh and when the nurses push on your uterus every 15 minutes after the delivery that hurts so be prepared.

Sorry this post is super long, I just wanted to get everything written down now while its still fresh. Beckett is a week old today and is still doing great! He is awesome.

A Fortnight and Cake

Tessa has been counting her friend’s mission in fortnights so it’s taught me what a fortnight is...2 weeks. I can make it two measly little weeks right? I have progressed a little farther now. At my 37 week check, I was measuring at 2+ and was 75% effaced and his head was a little lower. Here’s a funny little coincidence! I have been telling this baby boy to come on May 18th, I don’t know why, that day just sounded nice. So I asked her when she will strip my membranes and she said at my 38 week checkup. BUT she doesn’t work on Tuesdays (and my visits are always on Mondays) so she told me if I wanted them stripped then she suggests I change my visit to Wednesday so if I do go into labor she will be my doctor. So I changed my appointment to Wednesday which just happens to be....MAY 18th!

I made this beautiful and delicious chocolate cake to celebrate Tessa's birthday and Kenny's graduation! It was so yummy but I definitely can't take the credit. A friend gave me the recipe from this blog: http://eatdrinkandbemorrey.blogspot.com/.

I'm so proud of Kenny for graduating! My family came up to celebrate with us and it was so nice to have support and love during such a fun and exciting time! Kenny is the first, on both sides of his family (including extended) to decide to go to college and graduate so I would say that's a pretty big accomplishment. Love you babe!

And here is another picture of me in the kitchen...I literally think every picture of me being pregnant has been in our kitchen. This is my 37 week belly. Huge right? At least you haven't seen it without clothes on...its totally alien-ish.

34 weeks and counting the hours...

Seriously, I don’t understand those women who love being pregnant…I really don’t love it. But on a positive note, my back pain is much better…but I think its diminished because the he moved right up by my right rib. He loves that spot right on my rib cage, I can’t tell if it’s a bum, head, or back, but some larger part of him is always right there. I can feel when he gets the hiccups now and it makes me feel a little sorry for him because I just don’t enjoy the hiccups at all and he gets them a lot.

Kenny and I are taking a Lamaze class and it has helped me understand what’s going to happen as I get closer to labor and what happens once I’m in labor. (Even if the video of an epidural birth made me cry out of fear).

Oh and listen to this major bummer! I made some onsies for the little guy with some pictures, words, etc that I cut out on my mom’s cricut onto freezer paper so that I could iron them on and then paint them. One design I was fairly excited about was the male gender sign. I cut out the “Male” gender sign on the cricut and then ironed it on, painted it, and voila! Right!? Not right. Apparently whoever made the silly program I was using got the signs mixed up and I now have a blue female gender sign on my son’s onsie. (I’m pretty sure it was the program’s fault and this little mistake has absolutely nothing to do with my pregnant brain).

Other non-pregnancy related news...Kenny got a job at the hospital! We are so excited because now he can finally start getting the patient experience he needs to get into PA school! Hopefully he can apply this summer and get in for next fall, 2012.

I'll post pictures of the nursery, which is close to being done (I think), and maybe my belly (which is not as cute as the nursery). Apparently I really like eating because every picture Kenny has taken of me lately, I'm either cooking on the stove, looking in the fridge, snacking on something in the kitchen. So I'll wait until I can get a better picture, like maybe when I'm stuffing my belly with food.

Carry On Through Week 26

Week 25: My appetite is ferocious! I ate at 8:30 this morning and by 10:30 I literally felt like I was halfway to the grave. I am going to die if I don’t eat every hour and a half. I have never felt like this before and it’s horrible! It could always be worse though…I could still be nauseous and vomiting before the hunger pains even hit. So all in all I assume it’s nice to feel hungry without the nausea, I just hope my body doesn’t spontaneously drop dead because it’s gone 3 hours without sustenance.

Week 26: We now have a crib, mattress, changing table, changing pad, and glider! The nursery is sure coming along. It helps me feel like I have more of a handle on things when I see progress and have control over at least one part of our lives. Kenny didn’t get into PA school this year and is now re-thinking about doing med school instead. I always thought that once I got married, all of my difficult decisions were over…I couldn’t have been more wrong! It’s so hard to know what do to and where we need to be and how we need to get there. I told my boss that I am planning on staying home once we have the baby…but the stress of not working is making me wonder about that choice. How did you moms out there decide what to do about work? I know sometimes there aren’t a lot of options (which is how I’m feeling right now) but how do you deal with it either way?

Slowly but surely we're getting more and more ready for this baby to come and now we have our glider re-upholstered and painted! Too bad the primary use of this cute chair is going to be those middle-of-the-night feedings. I still need to recover the ottoman but I don't think that will be too difficult.

My stomach is now 5 inches bigger than it was - even though it looks way bigger than 5 inches to me. I have gained 6 pounds so far, according to the doctor, and my scale is still locked away in a closet so I don't drive myself crazy.

Maternity pants are heaven. I don't know why it has taken me this long to be willing to wear them!

Exercising still feels great, although running has become a lot more difficult the past week or so because it makes me have to go to the bathroom the whole time! I think the baby likes bouncing on my bladder or something.

It’s a Boy!?

I know, I’m as surprised as you! I definitely thought (and kind of hoped) that I was having a girl but the more I think about a little boy, the more excited I get. He already has little arm muscles just like his dad too. It’s amazing all that the ultrasound shows, his brain, bones, feet, hands, heart, kidneys, bladder…I am so grateful for modern medicine. The ultrasound tech started and the head and worked down, measuring everything as she went. And then all of the sudden…his little penis was the only thing that showed on the screen and she said “well, that’s definitely a boy”. It was a proud moment for Kenny. Then we watched our baby boy jump on my bladder...

A Surprising Turn of Events...

Somehow...well, I have a pretty good idea how...but still surprisingly, I am pregnant! I started this little journal a couple of weeks ago so I could start keeping track of events, weight gain, aches and pains, and all of the other things moms forget about so that they are willing to get pregnant again. So I apologize if this is a little too personal but I really want a written record with pictures and updates...so here goes!


A truly frank (and personal) account of my first (and maybe only)Pregnancy

Generally Speaking (written at week 15) – The thing I have been worried about most since I found out is my body…selfish I know, but we’re going to start there. I started at 133 lbs at week 4 but by week 15 I weigh 127 lbs which is strange because I haven’t vomited a lot of food, but I guess I have had a decreased appetite. Ironic that I have almost reached my goal weight only to be pregnant huh? Nausea and vomiting began around week 7 and continued until week 14, I was mostly nauseous at night or during the day if I hadn’t eaten. So far we have told all of our families and our friends up here in Logan, but we haven’t told our friends from back home or my co-workers. I am planning on waiting until January before I tell my boss and everyone at the office. I have been extremely emotional and difficult to be with… poor Kenny. At first I felt really guilty, which made me feel angry (both emotions = mean Sara). I felt guilty that we weren’t more careful about sex and the power of procreation…I mean the ability to make a child is a big deal! And I felt guilty that we had been so irresponsible and that now our child would have to deal with the consequences of our actions. Not that we would be bad or neglectful parents but I just wanted to feel so much more prepared before we decided to have a baby (prepared with…a house, and a career for Kenny, not a little 2 bedroom apartment with an expensive master’s program for Kenny somewhere in the, hopefully near, future). I felt angry at the baby for ruining my plans and my body, and I felt angry at Kenny for not realizing how hard this was going to be on me. All in all I was being a tad too selfish. Thank goodness for Kenny, he is so positive and supportive and helps so much. And he is so excited! I wish I were more like him but I just worry about things that are totally not in my control, like stretch marks, and weight gain, and hemorrhoids, and pain, and problems with the baby, and nursing, etc, etc, etc… but most of that I can’t do anything about and everything else doesn’t really matter now, I’ll figure it out when the time comes.

Funny Fact – for the past few months (since becoming pregnant)I have heard more crying babies, seen more ill, groaning, waddling, complaining pregnant ladies, and been told “Don’t have Kids!” more times than I can count! Since my co-workers don’t know that I am officially “expecting” (I really like that word expecting even if it is a bit ambiguous, it’s just so…matronly) they have not held back at all in their explicit direction not to ever have children, or if I do want children to make sure I am financially, emotionally, physically, educationally, …ally,…ally, prepared.

The no-good, dirty-rotten, very-worst day of my pregnancy so far was November 26th. I woke up at 3 to go to the bathroom and ended up extremely nauseous and throwing up (once on the floor on my way to the toilet). We were in Denver and our flight left around 8 so we had to wake up at 5:30 to catch a plane home. I threw up my breakfast in the car on the way to the airport (in a plastic bag with a hole in it). I threw up in a garbage can outside the tram station on our way to the gate. And then I threw up one more time in someone’s driveway snow outside a house in Tooele (the neighbors were standing outside watching) where we were dropping our Brother-in-law, Josh, off at work. So by this point I have absolutely no energy from vomiting and not sleeping and I wasn’t the most pleasant person. On our way out of Tooele we stopped at McDonalds and I finally held it down enough that I felt okay. Surprising since I don’t really like McDonalds…maybe it was fake enough that my body didn’t recognize it as food so it didn’t throw it up. Either way McDonalds was the cure to the worst morning ever…well so far!

Week 15: This is the first week that I have started really feeling the baby growing. It just feels like constant cramps and pressure in my lower tummy. Sometimes when I cough or move it feels really sharp or painful but mostly it’s just a constant pressure. I can feel my uterus with my hands when I lay on my back, and in the morning when I have to go to the bathroom really bad it feels way bigger and hard! We take our measurements every couple of weeks or so and I have grown 4 inches in my tummy in the last 2-3 weeks! My boobs and stomach are getting bigger but everything else is either the same or smaller so hopefully I can keep the rest of my body the same and just get bigger in my stomach. I am also feeling well enough that I can start working out again; I am going to sign up for planet fitness and try to exercise at least 3 times a week for about an hour. I think that will help me feel more in control of my body. It’s kind of eerie so see and feel my body doing things on its own…that aren’t normal bodily functions. But it’s okay…it’s normal for a pregnant lady so I can handle it.

Nursery Update: We have cleaned out the spare room and it’s basically empty now. We put cinderblocks under our bed and put a ton of storage there. And we bought some nice big bins to fill up with stuff we use more frequently and stacked them in the closet. We have a little pile of stuff for DI but besides that all we have in the actual room is a baby changing table that we use to hold our food storage, our guitars, and two little bookcases. I plan on using the changing table as an actual changing table but I still need it to hold our food storage, so I think I’m going to put the food on the bottom shelf, baby stuff on the middle shelf, and use the top for the changing table and then make a cute little curtain to hide the two bottom shelves so that it looks nice and organized. I have been looking at dressers on KSL too but I haven’t found one that I like or want yet…I want to be able to paint it or mod-podge on it so it’s cute but no such luck yet! Bedding is really expensive so I think for the crib I am going to buy I used bumper and re-cover it, and then just get some matching fabric for a bed skirt and matching sheets (I don’t think I could make my own fitted sheets!). So those are the plans so far!

Names: Eh…girls names are impossible! So let’s skip to the boys, boys names that I really like (and I’m pretty sure Kenny agrees) are: Trey, Dex, & Merrick. I have so many other ones that I love too like Jack, Peter, Ethan, and other classic sounding names (Benjamin, Jonathan, etc). So that’s not the hard part, well maybe picking just one name would be hard. But girls names are tough! I like a quite a few but I don’t think I love any of them: Stevie, Rae, Fae, Mave, Jocelyn, Charlotte, ugh…but none of those actually sound good today! I’ll have to think about this a little more. Good thing I have 6 months!

Week 16: I am feeling better and better every day. I’m not as sick and I have a lot more energy – Kenny is glad because I can finally help clean the house again. I have even gone to the gym a few times in the last week and I did Zumba two days ago (and boy, am I feeling it!). Depending on the day and time of day I either have a pretty big belly or just a little one. I was surprised that I am already showing a little bit, I didn’t think that would happen at all until after 25+ weeks. Oh and here’s some happy news - last night Kenny and I were talking about girls names and we found one we actually like – Unfortunately, Kenny won't let me tell anyone because he is afraid someone will steal it...silly eh? But just know that if our baby is a girl, her name will be pretty nice.

A family in our ward is moving to Japan so they are getting rid of everything they own and taking only essentials with them. So…we bought a rocker/glider chair thing with an ottoman from them for $30! I haven’t actually seen it yet, Kenny is going to pick it up today but she said she has loved it but it is a little stained even though she tried to clean it well. I have been looking high and low for a second hand glider that I could buy and reupholster so I’m really excited! I have never reupholstered anything before so it will be quite the project but I think it will be fun.

Week 18: I have passed off the reupholstery project to my sister Tessa who is a much better seamstress that I am. I am getting more and more excited, you could even call me happy about this pregnancy (especially now that I’m feeling better). I still have to work up the nerve to tell my boss but I’m not quite sure how to bring it up. He is out of the office until Thursday this week and then we have Friday off so I have one day to tell him before my next appointment. I think I would be less worried about it if I had a clear plan of what I wanted after the baby. I plan on working up until my due date if I can, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to come back to work but so much depends on Kenny’s job…the one he doesn’t have yet. He is looking for a job that will give him patient exposure so he can get into PA school. As long as he can find a good job with insurance that I’ll come back to work just part time but if he can’t than I’ll have to be full time so that we have insurance. Plus, we’re still waiting to hear back from those last 2 schools…and if he gets in in this summer, then I’ll just quit when I have the baby. Boy oh boy…there is so much to think about!

Week 19: My chair looks awesome! Thank you Tess! (Pictures will come shortly). I told my boss, Blake, yesterday and it went just fine, I didn’t need to be stressed at all! He was very nice and positive and kept saying how exciting it is so that was an incredible relief and I feel great about it. I didn’t think it was possible but my boobs are still growing and Kenny let me know the other day that if my boobs disappear after I’m done nursing (which has happened to my whole family) than I can get a boob-job…so apparently he doesn’t mind my expanding bosom. I am getting really excited for our ultrasound next week. Once we know its gender we will be able to really start getting stuff ready. I really like feeling in control of things so this waiting game is really hard. I’m ready to get on the ball and start doing stuff to plan and prepare.

Some exciting news…I can finally feel the baby moving! I’ve been reading in different books that I should have been able to feel little wiggles and kicks from about 16 weeks on but I haven’t felt anything recognizable as a baby until this week. On Wednesday when we were trying to sleep, I kept waking Kenny up to feel my stomach to see if he could feel it too…the baby was wiggling like crazy! It feels kind of like a deep, internal muscle spasm or twitch but it’s pretty faint most of the time so Kenny can only feel it occasionally but I’m pretty sure he thinks it’s awesome too.